Ok. Here it goes. I understand that I didn't pick up the phone. But did it ever cross your mind that I didn't pick up the phone for a reason? I mean...yes, I could very well be "busy" but the truth is (and I"m going to offend some of you, but fuck it, because you do this shit too), is because I don't want to talk to you. Yes. I silenced your call. You're lucky I didn't take you straight to voicemail (at least I don't want to hurt your feelings). But why the fuck did you leave me a 2 minute voicemail acting like we are having a conversation? Voicemails are supposed to be quick...
"Hey it's me, Call me back."
Not "Omg guess who I ran into. I saw that girl we met at that party 4 years ago. You know, the one with the purple cardigan. She said she had a class with you, I think it was an English class. She wanted to know what you were up to and where you were living. I told her you were down in LA. Also, guess what I had for lunch? Tuna! It's been years since I've had tuna! And I went to this really cool place on Melrose that sells fresh squeezed juice. The waitress there looked like that one TA we had freshman year of college. OMG!!! I forgot to tell you!!!! I bought that shirt finally! I know, I need to stop shopping, but seriously!! How excited are you for me?!!! Anyway, call me back so I can re-tell you everything I just said in this ridiculously long voicemail. Actually, scratch that, I'll probably try calling you back in 3 minutes to tell you this all over again."
Word of advice - I will not listen to your voicemail. This goes out to moms too (sorry mom...I love you, but every voicemail you leave stresses me out). The only voicemail I care about getting is from the girl I have a crush on. And that is usually cute and makes me happy. And that my friends, is a lesson in voicemails. Love you!
