A Very Kesha'ed New Year

I second Merc's last post, sorry for the lack of updates! Since the holidays mean no work for a little while (yet, not long enough...), that means no WorkItLA for a little while. But we're back in action this week, albeit a little slower than usual due to New Years and Friday off. Hooray!

Mercado and I have BIG PLANS to take on LA for New Years Eve, and with any luck we'll return with more celeb sightings and stories about friends turning into temporary Kesha's. I'll be wearing the same dress as Tera Reid, so you can guarantee an excess of booze will be involved. Maybe we'll make US Weekly's 'who wore it better' column?

Here is a picture of a husky in a stroller.

Ahhh!

...Sorry for the lack of updates!  Don't worry - I already have some AMAZING topics to talk about as soon as I have wireless internet (not this dial up crap at my parents house).   I'm currently sitting at the airport to catch a flight and San Francisco's amazing airport team wishes us a Happy Holidays with a FREE 45 minutes of internet.  45 minutes?  Thanks.  Next time make it an even hour.  Sheesh.  I'm rushing to type this out as I've wasted the majority of that time facebook stalking everyone I ran into from my hometown. 

I promise...your posts will come!  In the mean time, google African American Albinos.  It will blow your MIND.

Talk Soon suckas!

Hip Hop is an ATTITUDE.

And homegirl has it DOWN...

DADT Repealed!

This is such great great news.  After 17 years, Don't Ask Don't Tell has finally been repealed.  I never quite understood the point of DADT.  It shouldn't matter if you're gay or straight, it should matter that you're willing to fight for this country.  The repeal of DADT is just another step toward equality.  Congrats America for stepping it up a bit.  You are making a lot of gays happy :)

Rain rain go away!!

Where are we, Seattle?!!  C'mon LA!!!  I have shit to do and places to go!  And I can't do any of this with really HORRIBLE drivers on the roads.  Seriously...no one here knows how to drive in general, but add some rain and people just lose it.  Common sense people - red means stop, green means go - yes, even in the rain.  I would also like to thank the Huffington Post on their great front page news piece about the rain - with a fucking Porsche trying to drive through large puddles.  Really??  If my 10 year old Corolla can handle some puddles, I think a brand new Porsche can do the same.  Ugh - real news PLEASE. 

Welp, I'm off!

Today is my last day of work at my downtown agency.  I only started this job about 6 weeks ago (about the same time Corey and I started this blog...actually we started this blog because I got this job haha!).  Although I love everyone here, I got another job offer doing entertainment marketing for a reputable company.  I must say - I'm very excited to start this new job.  But I'm also sad to say goodbye to my co-workers.  Some of them aren't even going to know I'm leaving because they're already on vacation!! 

But all in all, the new year will bring a new job, lots of stories, and even more to blog about.  Peace out downtown!  It's been real...

And now - off to Hollywood.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Chief!

Today is my last day of work here in beautiful downtown LA.  My friend gave me an Obama Chia Pet.  LOVELY.  I can't wait to grow out his little hair!!

Main Gay vs Main Lesbo.

Question:  Why do celebrities only have main gays?  Where are all the main Lesbos?  I’ve been thinking about this a lot – lots of celebrities (Madonna, Katy Perry, Jessica Simpson and countless others) all have a main gay GUY friend that they take everywhere with them.  WHAT ABOUT THE LESBIANS?!!  I would love to apply for this job.  Yes, I will go to fancy dinners with you every night, travel the world with you, walk the red carpet with you and start a new business with you and live off you.  I will tell you you’re amazing every day and promise to make sure the paparazzi shows up everywhere you end up.  GIVE ME THIS JOB!  I’m not even saying it has to be a girl celebrity (Lindsay Lohan had a main lesbo – but then she ended up dating her and turning crazy…).  I would gladly be Brad Pitt’s main lesbo!   I’m just sayin’, there needs to be more celebrity main Lesbos.  We’re funny, dress like gay boys and are always available.  

Chelsea Lately

Yesterday a friend and I went to a taping of Chelsea Lately.  After going through the most intense security ever (these security guards were cray cray…single file line, backs against the wall, no talking…), we were seated and guess who decided to show up?!  P Fucking Diddy!!!  He did a surprise appearance and was drunk/stoned and hitting on Chelsea Handler the whole time.  I’m pretty sure I saw him mouth the words “Fuck 50 Cent”.  Anyways, Chelsea Handler was so smokin’, funny, and further enhanced my crush meter.  P.Diddy had the fanciest bling ever and I was going blind just sitting in the same room as him.  Chuy was ADORABLE.  I swear if Bentley was a human, he would be Chuy.  I’m excited to take Cozz in a couple of weeks!!!  If you ever go, bring a book that Chelsea wrote – she signs EVERY copy and says hi to you.  Sigh.

Beer and Food Pairing for the Holidays

It's that time of year-parties are being thrown, food is being prepared and people are getting drunk. Sam Calagione, founder of Dogfish Head Brewery, wrote an article for the Huffington post on the best holiday beer & food pairings.

Personally, I'm a big wine drinker, but I know many out there prefer a nice beer. I'm partial to a beer here and there, myself, and Calagione nails it on the head with his pairings. But, readers beware, this guy is talkin' about nice beer. For the holidays, put that Natty Light down and treat yourself to something a little more refined.

You can read HERE why beer often makes a better partner for cheese, or what the best beer to pair chocolate with is, and so on. If you like his suggestions, you can check out more of his beer-savvy advice on the related links.

Cheers!

Beer: The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems -Homer Simpson

Curious Cats

Who doesn't love cats? I thought I'd post this picture because I just LOVE CATS.

My New Desktop Background

And Time's Person of the Year Is...

MARK ZUCKERBERG.

I must say, I'm a bit confused. Haven't we all had facebooks for YEARS now? Haven't we all known the story of Zuckerberg and his incredible success for YEARS now? My suspicions suggest that just because they made a movie about the man in 2010, he snags the title this year.

I'm not here to argue, he is an interesting guy, and worthy of the title. But he's BEEN an interesting guy. More important things have been surrounding certain incredibly important individuals this year, especially recently. How about we give this one to Julian Assange, the man behind Wikileaks, who was actually voted the readers choice for most interesting person of the year. Oh wait, they haven't made a movie about him yet.

I think the most baffling thing is that the TEA PARTY was named a runner-up. REALLY!? As if they need anymore publicity. I haven't even bothered to look into this one because I just don't have the time to waste reading about those hacks. I'm much too busy updating my facebook status.

Overheard in the office (take 12)

Boss man:  "STDs are rampant among Senior Citizens."

A Very Kanye Christmas

Have yourself a very Kanye Christmas with the new track, "Christmas in Harlem."

It ain't half bad, but I happen to be a HUGE Kanye fan. I know, he's a self-obsessed douchebag, but dude makes good music!

Fortunately,

These will never be in style.

Oh no!!

Willow Smith's new hairdo is not whippable!!  And no offense, but did Will and Jada give their daughter a bowl cut??

STUPID SHIT YOU GIVE YOUR PARENTS FOR XMAS.

Tis the season to give.  Tis the season to give your parents stupid shit for Christmas.  My brother texted me yesterday and asked what my mom’s shoe size was.  I was immediately nervous.  I texted him back demanding to see anything he was purchasing for my mom.  What did he send me?  A picture of Uggs.  Are you fucking kidding me??  I texted him back with a simple, “NO.”

It got me thinking about the dumb shit we used to get our parents when we were growing up.  I remember getting money from each parent to pick out something for the other one.  My mom would take me to the store one day and my dad the next.  My brother and I were constantly trying to come up with ways to keep the extra cash for a toy.  Or it was even better if a gift came with another gift so we only spent money on one thing.  One year, my brother got my dad some Old Spice cologne.  It was my turn to pick out a present for my dad and I got him…Old Spice cologne.  Why?  Because it came with a free baseball glove!  Duh!  So that year, my dad got 2 bottles of Old Spice.  And I kid you not – both bottles are still sitting under their sink til this day. 

Another Christmas was probably the most awkward of all Christmases.  My brother got my dad the largest coffee mug in the world.  This thing was HUGE.  Question – what does one do with such a large mug?  No one really puts coffee in it!  That’s way too much coffee!  Good choice, bro.  What did I get my mom that year?  An expensive MICKEY MOUSE POCKET WATCH.  Umm…apparently I had mistaken my mom as an 80 year old man who loves Mickey Mouse.  Needless to say, she returned it the next day for two matching Mickey Mouse watches (yes, one was for me) that played the Mickey Mouse Club song every hour on the hour.



Another year, my brother tried to one-up me by using MY idea for a Christmas present.  You see, every year, my mom collects those bears from Macy’s (RIP The Bon Marche) with the year embroidered on them.  I’ve been getting them for her every year since I was like 10.  One year, my brother bought her the bear!!  He came into my room and asked for wrapping paper so he can wrap the same exact bear I got her.  I got so pissed.  I remember complaining and crying to my mother and she made him return it for something else.  What did he get?   FLOWERS INSIDE A BALLOON.  Who sells flowers inside a balloon?  Who actually BUYS flowers inside a balloon??
 
As you can see, everyone buys stupid shit for their parents.  What are some things you have gotten for your parents?  Or even better – made them?  I made my family a Christmas VIDEO one year with a bunch of pictures and sad music playing in the background.  Christmas seemed more like funeral because it was so sad and awkward. 

So this year—get your parents something cool.  And please, something “cool” isn’t a pair of Uggs.

Warning:

When you break into someone's house, DO NOT POST YOUR PICTURE ON THEIR FACEBOOK.

A man in Washington DC broke into a house and stole a lot of things - ipods, laptops, cash, clothes, etc.  When the cops came to check out the wreckage the 15 year old victim started getting notifications on his facebook.  He went to check it out and it turns out the burglar posted a picture of himself on the victim's facebook wearing the jacket and flaunting the cash he stole.  The victim's mother says, "That's the jacket I just bought."  Cool dude, you're wearing a woman's jacket and now you're going to get arrested because your face is all over the internet.  Like I always say, if you're going to do something, do it RIGHT.  This guy's an idiot.

Facebook...

...You sneaky son of a bitch...

Pop Music...Literally.

This guy is AMAZING!!! 

The Club Certainly Couldn't Handle Him

H to the Bizzay!

Happy birthday to my favorite lady ever!














And now an awkward video for your viewing pleasure (I made this last year, but it just so happens birthdays happen every year so voila!  It still works).

Mercado and Efron sittin' in a tree...

The rumors are true! Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens have officially broken up. Tweens everywhere are rejoicing that Charlie St. Cloud is now back in the dating game.

Especially our beloved blogger, Mercado, who once made me watch High School Musical in its entirety, SOBER. It was god-awful, and not nearly as rewarding as the time she made me watch an entire season of "The Simple Life." At least Nicole Richie is funny.

Mercado is so in love with Efron that at one point I was receiving text message pictures of him and his Bieber-cut, in different poses and shirtless, for several days in a row. She's worse than Perez Hilton and his undying love for the High School Musical Basketball Star.

To prove my point, take a little looksy at what SHE EMAILED ME TODAY.

Ladies and Gentleman, Mr. and Mrs. Efron

To sum up Corey's party...

I made made my Christmas sweater:

Raphy thought it was St. Patrick's Day.  

Corey posed like a Spice Girl in every picture.

Dan wore a scary mask.

And if you forgot to dress up all together, you just took your pants off.

All in all, it was a pretty epic party.  I love holiday parties!!

America's Sweetheart - Snooki.

It's weird to think that Snooki is someone's idol.  What happened to wanting to be the president of the United States?  Now kids wants to buy bump its and get arrested for public intoxication.  Go America!

Spotted: Terror Reid

Yesterday it was 85 fucking degrees in LA.  85!  In December!  Last year around this time, I'm pretty sure I was wearing 3 sweatshirts, a snuggie, long johns and a pair of sweats under my Jnco Jeans to keep warm (heat is expensive!).  Yesterday I was able to wear some Jorts (sans JEANS) and a tank top.  It was amazing.  My friend and I decided to hit up Venice beach to enjoy the sun and do some shopping/people staring.  And who did we happen to see?!!  TARA REID.

Some might know her from American Pie, but most just know her one hot mess - a Ke$ha if you will :)  The thing about this "celeb" sighting is that it has happened TWICE within a week.  Corey saw her on Thursday at a store where she was buying her New Year's Eve dress and immediately texted me about it.  And then my friend and I saw her on Sunday.  HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?!!  What kind of weird ass sign is God trying to tell me? 

Let's try to break this down:
Tara Reid --> Has been -->  Used to be attractive -->  Now is a drunk/addict -->  Two people in my group of friends saw her just days apart -->  We like to party -->  WE WILL TURN INTO TARA REID.

OH MY GOD.  Say this isn't so!!!  It's a sign!  If I continue this lifestyle I will look like Tara Reid one day!  OH HELLLLLLL NO.

OR

Tara Reid -->  Has been --> Used to be attractive --> Now is a drunk/addict -->  Two people in my group of friends saw her just days apart (in Venice mind you) -->  HER DRUG DEALER LIVES IN VENICE.

Ok, this makes so much more sense.  Phew - I'm glad I solved that puzzle. 

FYI:  I shall describe what Terror looked like on that beautiful fine day in Venice beach:
- 80 lbs.
- flannel shirt
- Uggs
- Flared jeans OVER her uggs
- Make up made of ZITS.

Oh Tara...What happened?!!!

Sassy cat.

GloZell (Take 2)

THIS IS EVEN BETTER

GloZell

THIS IS AMAZING

It Only Snows for the Wealthy in LA

Per Mercado's suggestion, Daniel and I went down to Rodeo Dr. last night to check out the "snow in LA." Turns out, it was pretty neato. The "snow," some sort of soapy/foamy substance, was blasting out of snow machines high above the glitz and glam of Rodeo, falling on passersby and blanketing the palm trees lining the street. I'm sure you can only see snow-covered palm trees in this city.

They shut the entire street down so that anyone could leisurely walk back in forth across Rodeo without the hassle of watching for cars. The only exception were horse drawn carriages dressed in Christmas lights carrying people down the snowy street. It reminded me of a scene out of Cinderella when she was in that pumpkin on her way to the ball. It was enchanting at first glance, but probably cost somewhere in the vein of 100 bucks for a 15 minute ride. After all, we were in Beverly Hills-a place synonymous with $MONEY$.

The high-end stores were all open, keeping their doors ajar to serve complimentary champagne to customers admiring expensive clothes, purses watches and shoes. Everyone walking around was so fancy, and we even had a celeb sighting: that guy who plays Eric on "Entourage." He was really short. All in all, I must have seen 35 pairs of red-soled Louboutins walking around on the feet of some very lucky ladies. Not that I expected anything less from these Beverly Hill-ers. But I certainly didn't plan accordingly.

I was not walking around in expensive high heels. I was walking around in worn-out black boots, a leather jacket and a beanie on my head. I probably looked like a wanna-be hipster who lost her way amid All the Beautiful People. To top it all off, after I snuck into the bathroom of some elegant restaurant, I took my beanie off while I was washing my hands and placed it right in the soap dish that catches the residual soap after someone dispenses some. It was ALL OVER that hat. It looked like I had just stood under the god-damn snow dispenser for 6 hours. I had to walk out of that place, trying not to get caught, with hat-hair and a frothy beanie.

Point being, I need to work on my swank. Who want's to buy me a pair Louboutins??

Puff Puff Miley

Happy Friday! Click HERE to witness Hannah Montana smoke out of a bong. Miley Cyrus claims it's just salvia (shit you can buy at any tobacco store that supposedly is a psychedelic - but only happens to work for naive 14 year olds...).  Time to go back into hiding Miley!  Maybe you should just put on a blond wig with bangs and no one will ever be able to tell who you are...

Overheard in the office (take 11)

Corey: i fucking love ke$ha
Corey:  that's it. im purchasing her music on my itunes

Christmas Wishlist (3)

It's all I really want for Christmas

They Needed a Study for That?!

Thank God They Have an Instructional Video for this.

THANK YOU FOR THIS BRANDON.

Buildin' Forts

Who doesn't remember the days of building forts in your parents living room? Using plenty of pillow and blankets and various other house-hold items to assemble a little cave around the couch with siblings and friends was always one of my favorite past times. It was a serious challenge finding a way to hang sheets to the ceiling and hoping the couch cushions don't fall for the 65th time so that you can finally complete your fort. Ahh, it seems like yesterday.

And, it kind of was. Well, not yesterday, but just over a year go I was building one of the most epic forts I've ever built. Senior year of college, 8 girls living in a house in Seattle and one to many sets of sheets. One rainy Saturday we were all laying around on our big green couches deciding what to do. There was nothing good to do outside since it was pouring and we decided that the only logical thing to do would be to build a fort. FYI: We were sober.

Everyone brought down all their pillows, sheets and extra blankets and we went to town on that living room. Feeling crafty, we brought down various scarfs to hang the sheets from hooks on the ceiling. This shit was serious.

And then we spent the next week in our fort, drunk. We only left the fort for food and booze runs. I'm not sure anyone went to class that.....ahh, priorities.

Countless visitors stopped by to revel in this fort's greatness...or to revel in our oddness. I guess 22 year olds in a fort is weird to some people?

The moral of the story is-get off your butt and build a fort. Release that inner child. GO WILD!

Kind of cool...

There's an application on Facebook called "My Year in Status".  It basically makes a collage of all of your most popular status updates.  Mine were pretty good.  At least they didn't include where I put my purse or the stupid numbers game infesting newsfeeds right now.  What a crazy year, I can't believe it's almost 2011.  Where are the fucking hoverboards?!

  

It's going to snow in LA!!

[Fake snow...but regardless...SNOW!]

Don't get me wrong - I moved down here to get away from the rain and snow of Seattle, but I was a tiny bit jealous when my friends were telling me about their snow adventures.  A friend told me about this event happening tonight in Beverly Hills called 9-0-2-1-Snow.  Along Rodeo Drive, there will be 20 snow machines on all major buildings creating a blanket of snow.  YAY!  I mean...it's fake snow, but I'll do it. 

Passive aggressive notes.

If there's anything worst than passive aggressive people, it's a passive aggressive note, and even worse a passive aggressive text.  Which brings me to write this passive aggressive post.

I have a roommate.  And I would LOVE for him to find this.  He's not my "real" roommate.  He's actually just subletting for another month, so I'm not too worried about it.  Anyway, said roommate was probably the witness to one of the biggest disasters to hit LA this past weekend - my friends and I really drunk and on the verge of black out.

After returning from a night out (we had also been drinking all day for Apple Cup), we got back to my house and I'm not going to lie - we were super drunk.  And yes, probably being a little loud.  I was out walking Bentley when roommate came out and told my friends to be quiet (completely understandable).  One of my friends was a little out of it and said, "Fuck off" which of course caused everyone else to erupt in laughter.  I didn't even know this happened until the next day, when I received this text:

Hey so last night was awful.  I asked very nicely a couple of times for your friends (never saw you?) to try to be a little quieter, and it never happened.  Then around 2:15am I tried to ask kindly but no one even acknowledged me, so I had to yell "hey!" to get their attention, and then asked again.  I did not get a great response as you can imagine, I got cursed at and it got worse.  So I was supposed to be up at 6 to work at 8 for a 12 hour shift today.  On 3 hours of sleep that did not happen, thankfully I got someone to cover my shift.  Also more than an entire pizza is gone, so please replace that.  Thanks.


Do you see how long this text is?  Can you imagine it in real text form?  I had to scroll through pages!  Ok, I know what you're thinking - Dude, he has a point.  And I very well see it.  I apologized for the noise and the fact that my friends told him to fuck off (very rude...although kind of funny).  If it were me, I would've kicked them out (no offense).  But...and this is a big but...1) I AM NOT YOUR MOTHER AND IT'S NOT MY RESPONSIBILITY TO WAKE YOU UP FOR WORK.  I don't care if you had three hours of sleep.  Do you know how many times I've worked on 3 hours of sleep?  Get over it.  2) WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU JUST TELLING ME THIS?  You wait fucking 24 hours to let me know this happened?  If it was so easy to get ahold of me the next day, why didn't you get ahold of me when it happened?  3) UMM REALLY?  A TEXT?  Even worse, a fucking LONG ass text that I had to take a break from reading because it was completely stupid and I got bored after 2 seconds?  All I can hear is blah blah blah.

I decided to play "nice" and give him back his precious pizza money.  Even though I know for a FACT my friend (a tiny girl) isn't capable of eating an entire pizza on her own.  A couple of days go by and I receive this note (written out) on the fridge:

Hey, do you know what happened to my EXPENSIVE bottle of wine?  I was hoping to drink it with a special friend.  Please return it.


First of all, no one ever says "expensive" when it really is an expensive bottle.  And judging by the SHIT that you eat (i.e. 4 pizzas in the fridge at all times, tv dinners and riceroni), I highly DOUBT you had an "expensive" bottle of wine.  And mind you - my friends drink beer and vodka (classy, I know) and we can afford our own "expensive" bottles of wine.  The LAST thing on our mind when we got home was drink wine.  Lastly, "special friend"?  Really?  No seriously, does this "special friend" know you refer to her as your "special friend"?  If she finds out, I doubt she will be "special" for much longer.  I'm sure she's just using you for your "expensive" bottles of wine.  Just sayin'.  Gotta watch out for those "special friends."

What's worse was that he deleted me off his facebook.  But you know who he didn't delete?  The love of my life - who told me the little twat bucket has been talking shit on his facebook about me!  At first I laughed, because really - he's THAT dude that writes stupid shit like "OMG my pizza is gone".  But now I'm just irritated and can't stand to look at him.  I want to find that bottle of wine SO BAD so I can drink it and leave it empty outside his door with a note that reads, "It's not what you think.  No one drank me, I just poured myself out because you're fucking lame."

Here's the moral of the story -
Don't write passive aggressive notes/texts to an Aries.  Especially this Aries.  I will make your life a living hell and make you feel so incredibly stupid for complaining about pizza and cheap wine...err I mean expensive wine.  GROW A PAIR AND TELL ME TO MY FACE ASS HAT.

I'm sorry you were late to work.  For us who have REAL jobs, the weekend is a getaway so we like to spend it with our friends and have some fun.  For you - work is a part time gig dealing with customers asking if you have a bathroom.  GET OVER IT.

And that my friends, concludes my passive aggressive post.

Welp, I'm off - I have an expensive bottle of wine to chug with my pizza.

Oh. (take 2)

That is not a vagina...those are just her thighs.  No big deal.

I hate this bitch.

I HATE THIS BITCH.  That is all.

Christmas Wishlist! (2)

Add this to the list!  I want a whole BOX of these.  Please and thank you.

Seriously...

What's worse than walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper in your pants?  Walking out of the bathroom with toilet paper in your pants with POOP.  Lovely.

BEST.JOB.EVER.

Scientists are dressing in panda costumes to release captive pandas back into the wild.  Does this not sound like the best job ever?!  You get to dress up as a panda and carry baby pandas all day!  Ugh...I want to sign up so bad. 

Hmm...

I HIGHLY doubt this person drives an Audi...

Cuteness OVERLOAD!

Overheard on G-chat (Take 2)

Mercado: OMG so much work right now!

Mercado: WTF

Corey: OMG ME TOO

Corey: im like swamped

Corey: this NEVER HAPPENS

Mercado: I KNOW

.....conversation between Mercado and I THIS MORNING. And we have still yet to update this little bloggy until now. Isn't it strange? Once in a blue moon the two of us actually have things to do.

Overheard in the office (take 10)

...Well actually Overheard outside during my cigarette break.

A homeless man came up to a couple of cops on motorcycles and asked where Spring street was.  They told him, and when he left one of the cops looked over at the other cop and said:

"He's probably running late for a job interview."

Then they continued to chuckle for a good 2 minutes.

Wow, cops, wow.  Way to be douche sponges. 

I Invented the Snuggie

Ah, the Snuggie. Everyone's heard of it. You probably have friends who own one. Hell, you probably own one. How could we forget the renowned TV Infomercial with everyone's favorite family warm and cozy in their fleece Snuggies, demonstrating how warm and cozy a Snuggie really is? There is a Snuggie for EVERYTHING. You can get a Snuggie in your college colors, a Christmas Snuggie and even an Oudoor Snuggie . There is even a Snuggie for you and your baby to stay warm!

Scott Boilen, who some have dubbed "Mr. Snuggie," is the CEO of all-things-Snuggie. And I'm sure we can re-name him "Money-bags" considering the incredible success the Snuggie has seen in recent years. This guy is probably loaded. He's probably sitting on his fancy leather sofa in his gigantic fancy house flipping though the channels of his big-screen HD TV wearing a Snuggie made of gold. Well, ladies and gentleman, Scott Boilen is a fraud.

I invented the Snuggie. Way back when I was asked to come up with an invention to share with my 5th grade GATE class. GATE was Gifted and Talented Education, a little program I was part of when I was younger. I guess they saw something in me, high expectations for a bright future. Well, it could have been a very bright future if Scott Boilen didn't find some way to completely jack my 5th grade invention.

Here is how it went down: I realized one day as I was laying on the couch, reading a book, that my arms were cold. An idea came to me and I promptly began to cut a sweatshirt in half and sew it to a blanket. Voila! I had just created my invention for my GATE project. Its name? The 'Sl-Blank' (Sleeve-Blanket), pronounced "SLABLANK."

You can imagine my surprise a few years later upon seeing that godforsaken Snuggie Commercial. That was my idea! Granted, they really 1-upped me on the name. The 'Sl-blank' ???? I know, it was stupid, and "Snuggie" is a great name. BUT REALLY-I could be that guy!

But now, instead of rolling around in the money that could be mine, I am desperately trying to find some relation to this Scott Boilen character so I can sue him like those Winklevoss twins sued Mark Zuckerberg over Facebook. They got a reported 65-million dollar pay out. I want.

Until then, I will revel in what could have been. And blog about it.

Teach me how to Snuggie

What if celebs were fat?

The title says it all...

[Christina Aguilera]

[Paris Hilton]

[Miley Cyrus]

[Rihanna]

[The Olsen Twins]

To see more FATastic photos, click HERE.