You know what they say,

The Pointier the boot, the bigger the __________.
Watch this video.  Don't watch the entire 9 minutes, just the first minute.  It's ridiculous.  PLEASE DON'T MAKE THIS A TREND.  Bring back JNCO's, overalls, cargo jeans, whatever...but don't make pointy boots popular EVER.  I would rather wear Crocs everyday.

Sex Dream? Nope. I dream about McChickens.

It's been a little over a month since I've eaten meat.  I gave up meat for Lent because I figured it would be easier than quitting smoking.  A week ago I quit smoking.  So now I'm left with no meat or cigarettes.  What does this do to someone?  Instead of having sex dreams, I've been having the weirdest FOOD dreams.  Yup, FOOD.  As in picturing myself gorge on a PILE of McChickens and eat dozens of burgers and bacon wrapped hot dogs.  I'm going crazy.  I literally woke up the other night around 3 am and wanted a McChicken so bad that I googled a picture of it and stared at it for 10 minutes.  For some reason, the cigarettes aren't bothering me.  It's more the meat.  I WANT MEAT (I bet you don't hear a lesbian say that often!). But seriously though, come April 24, I'm gorging on everything meat I can find.  It's going to look like a scene from Precious.  I'm so excited.  My countdown begins...who wants to join me on my Meat Feast?!  I will buy a round of McChickens for everyone.

[I wish that was me in the photo and I hope that's the number of McChickens I'll eat]

Don't worry...she's 18!

Ever fantasize about Miley Cyrus...err...I mean Hannah Montana...err...Miley (IT'S SO CONFUSING!!).  Well it's your lucky day because they have a Miley/Hannah sex doll!  Don't worry--this isn't creepy because she turned 18 a few months ago which means if you own this, you were actually thinking about her sexually when she was younger.  It's a Party in the P.A.N.T.S.!

Just answer the fucking phone

My friends and I have started using "HeyTell".  It's an app for your iPhone where you leave messages for each other a la walkie talkies.  I was doing it with one of my friends last night and she said, "this is weird.  We might as well just be talking to on the phone."  I didn't really have a response.  Why?  Because she's completely right.  Why the fuck were we leaving voice messages for each other then when we received them, downloaded them and continued a 3 hour conversation all in voice message form.  It reminded me of this little "infomercial" about just using the telephone.  In the age of texting, facebooking, emailing and HeyTell...when are we going to start using the telephone part again?  If you need me, you can reach me through HeyTell.

T.a.t.u. calls it quits.

Chances are you didn't even know they were still a band or even a band at all!  T.a.t.u., the famed Russian duo who used to market themselves as lesbians (what a trend!), called it quits for good.  They exploded onto the music scene and prepubescent dreams with their hit (but mostly their music video) for "All the things she said".  After making a remix album called "Waste" a little bit ago.  Apparently it was a "waste" of their time because they're donezo.

Are You Royal Enough?

Whether it’s the last thing you think about before bed or the first thing you think of in the morning – I know everyone is on the edge of their seat wondering who will be invited to the Royal Wedding. I’ve gotten over the fact that my facebook event invite probably got lost (I would’ve put maybe attending anyway) – so here’s a list of people who are attending:

- David & Victoria Beckham (I heard she’s singing “2 become 1” for their first dance)
- Elton John with partner in tow
- The head priest at the London Buddhist Vihara Temple (duh.)
- Prime Minister David Cameron
and my personal favorite
- The bartender from Kate’s favorite pub




So tomorrow morning while you’re having your morning coffee from your Royal Wedding limited edition collector’s mug – keep telling yourself this should’ve been you.

Rattail Moostache

This is a picture of Merc and I on Friday night. She's using her rattail to make a mustache on my face. Enjoy!!

Tiga-Tiga Woods ya'll

During my short stint of watching the Masters this weekend I learned a few things:
1. Putting a H in the name Carl is way more fun
2. They look better in white pants than I ever will
3. It makes a great drinking game and
4. Anyone can be a golf analyst



How to Write a Golf Column About Tiger Woods Directions: Just circle a word or phrase in each list, print it out, hand it in to a major media outlet and you’ll be a published golf columnist! You’re welcome!

It has been …
weeks
months
years

… since Tiger Woods last won a major. Already the whispers have started:
“Has he clinched his crown as the greatest golfer ever?”
“Is he in a slump?”
“Has the sport passed him by for good?”

Yet as …
good
bad

… as he has been, you can’t discount the presence of …
Phil Mickelson.
golf’s young guns.
doubts about his character.

Gone are the days when …
Tiger intimidated the competition.
Tiger was tinkering with his swing.
Tiger’s personal reputation was unsullied.

For the full how-to click HERE

PDA

What's the cutest thing you've watched all week? Well it's only Monday - but this still might be the cutest thing come Friday.

This cat & dolphin duo are displaying more PDA than I've displayed in a year. Rock on.

Happy Birthday Hefners!

In a joint birthday celebration this weekend in Las Vegas, Hugh Hefner helped his son Marston celebrate his 21st birthday while Heff celebrated his 85th. Who else came along to party? His 24yr old fiancé of course – I mean, his lungs sure as hell couldn’t blow out 85 candles without passing out.

Total chick magnets, right?

The Draft

If you knew the WNBA draft was happening today - congratulations, your Monday MUST be going worse than mine Don't worry, a live chat starts at 3pm/ET.

Who Do You Follow? P.2

My most recent following endeavor goes to @Jesus _M_Christ. Not only is he witty – but he too is confused why Justin Beiber has more followers than him. In other twitter news I’m now being followed by @BlackedOutGuy & @ShotGlassFever8. If my followers are any indication of my life I’m in a world of hurt.

Worst Movie to Watch on a First Date?

Precious.

...just sayin'.

Extra bad if you "theme" it and grab some Fried Chicken afterward.

Fridays Physics Pop Quiz

Did you know?

A new poll conducted by the Williams Institute shows that at least 8 million adults in the United States identify as gay, lesbian, or bisexual.  And 700,000 are classified as transgender.  That is a HUGE number.  It gets better (no pun intended)...the poll also found 19 million people have engaged in some relationships or sexual behavior with someone of the same sex.  In my world, we like to call these "Lugs" - Lesbians until Graduation.  So what does this tell us?  There are so many gays in the world.  GAY IS OKAY!

Riot ensues for fake Justin Bieber

This is pretty fucking hilarious.  Some guys in Madrid dressed their friend up in Justin Bieber attire AKA a hoodie, sunglasses and sneakers.  Thousands of girls went CRAZY and it turned into a tween overload.  Watch the video to see what happened...I want to try this.  Anyone up for it??

Okay... (rant of the day)

If I hear one more girl talk to me about Adele I will flip my lid.  Every woman in the universe thinks Adele songs were written about her.  And it almost always turns into the LOOOOOOOOONGEST story about how every fucking song on the "21" album was written about her specific situation.  Adele makes great music, don't get me wrong.  But really?  EVERY song was written about you?  I don't know about that.  Adele turns every woman into an emotional clusterfuck.  One minute they're overjoyed and empowered and flipping everyone off and then the next minute they're crying and trying to hold my hand and ask me what is wrong with them.  So ladies-I'm not trying to tell you to not listen to Adele, just do it in the privacy of your own room.  Open a bottle of wine and blast that shit.  Hey, I feel the exact same way about every Ke$ha song.  In fact, I woke up this morning and brushed my teeth with a bottle of Jack, but you don't see me crying about it.  End rant.

The internet is a scary place

Watch this PSA from 1998 about the internet entitled "Internet and Street Smarts." I don't buy it.  The kid "Tom" looks like the biggest porn downloader in the universe.  Keep sipping your slurpee kid, the internet only gets creepier.  I think they should make one called "Facebook smarts".  What would be featured on it?  Don't get a facebook.

Hey,

Remember when Jennifer Lopez married THIS guy?  He looks like a character from a Tim Burton movie.  Before J.Lo he was married to a former Miss Universe.  I wonder how Ben Affleck feels.

Man Super Glued himself to a toilet seat in Walmart

A 48 year old Maryland man found himself stuck to a toilet seat in Walmart.  Apparently, someone left super glue on the seat as an April Fool's joke.  The man screamed for help and had to be taken to the hospital where they had to pry the seat off.  He was left with minor bruising.  If the perpetrator is caught, they will face 2nd degree assault charges.  Note to self: Don't use the bathroom on April 1 ever.

Maryland man superglued to Walmart toilet: MyFoxBOSTON.com