Lea Michele called me Ricotta

Last night a friend invited me to a fancy dinner at KATSUYA.  Katsuya is apparently a clusterfuck of Hollywood's finest to get some paparazzi shots in.  My friend works for one of Hollywood's A-List so we were able to get a table a right away.  I took a look around - pretty standard restaurant.  Dim lighting, packed, house music playing in the background.  We ordered some food (it's a sushi restaurant) and a few drinks.  I didn't really understand what the hype was about until...it happened.

Sidenote...my friend knows some interesting people in Hollywood.  She grew up around here and works for the industry so it was no surprise people were coming up and saying hello.  I don't know who exactly I met, but I'm pretty sure they were fancy people, and I'm also pretty sure I came in wearing a beanie and an oversized t-shirt.  NOICE.  So anyway, one of these people that came up to our table just happened to be none other than LEA MICHELE.  LEA FUCKING MICHELE!  LEA MICHELE!!!  I mean, if you read this blog/know me in real life, I make Glee references every fucking day of my life.  On the weekends I like to play out Glee episodes in front of my friends when they're hungover - just yesterday, Corey made THIS post because I was super bummed and a week ago, I had THIS quote.  So to downplay it a little - I was peeing in my pants of excitement!

Here's how it all went down:
Mehri and I were enjoying our sushi and all of a sudden I look up and I see the lovely Lea Michele.  She gives Mehri a hug and a kiss looks at me and introduces herself:

Lea:  Hi, I'm Lea.  Nice to meet you.
Me:  Oh.  Umm...hi?  I'm...Mercado...Umm Nicole, Umm Nicole Mercado
Lea:  Are you having a good night?
Me:  Umm...hahaha.
Mehri (interrupts):  This is my friend Mercado (it's her last name).  She just moved here from Seattle. 
Lea:  Oh my god, I love Seattle.  How do you like LA?
Me:  Yeah, I like it a lot [this was done in the Jim Carey voice in Dumb and Dumber]
Lea:  ...Well I just wanted to say hi.  Dianna [as in Dianna Agron...Quinn from Glee!!!] is waiting.  Let's catch up soon.  It was nice meeting you Ricotta [yes, like the cheese].  Have a good dinner!

I looked at Mehri and was just stunned, excited, nervous, happy, goosebumps, wait - did she just call me a cheese?  Oh well.  I DON'T EVEN CARE!  LEA MICHELE SHOOK MY HAND AND NOW SHE IS GOING TO SAY SHE RAN INTO MEHRI AND A GIRL NAMED RICOTTA TO DIANNA AGRON WHO IS IN THE SAME VICINITY AS ME.  This is big.  This is major.  This is my favorite LA story thus far.

It turns out Mehri is going to some Studio party next week with some of the kids from Glee and it also turns out I'm free next Thursday (hint hint).  But yes, Katsuya is delicious.  Lea Michele looked amazing (she is as tall as Snooki, I kid you not) and she was really really sweet.  Everyone famous is a lot shorter and skinnier than you think.  We also saw Nicky Hilton (no Paris) and Eva Longhoria (no ex-husband or bff Mario Lopez).  Not too shabby for a Wednesday night!

UPDATE:  Mehri just invited me to that party.  She has one request though - that I don't be creepy and awkward.  My reply:  We'll see!

When HR comes calling...

Today I received an instant message from HR (human resources) to come to their office.  Thoughts that ran through my head, "Oh shit, who did I offend?", "Did I sexually harass someone??", "Am I getting fired?!".  I went to the HR office and sat down and waited while the HR Man got off the phone.  During this time I was trying to play it cool by pretending to fake laugh and pick off invisible lint from my clothes.  He then gets off the phone and looks at me and says, "Do you know why you're here?".  He then looks down at bunch of papers and looks at me and says,

"I have the worst handwriting ever.  Can you re-write these forms for me?"

OhMoeMyGod.  Are you kidding me?!  So moral of the story is - boys have horrible handwriting.  Don't be surprised if you're asked to write things for them. 

Overheard on G-Chat (Take 1)

"remember when you fools woke me up from a nap to ask if I was a fire crotch?"

-anonymous redhead.

Justin Bieber fans are drug dealers.

There is something wrong with this world when one of the largest drug dealers in the world is caught and in his home you find a JUSTIN BIEBER mural.  WTF?!  Brazilian drug lord Alexander Mendes da Silva's house was raided by soldiers and police and what they saw was absolutely horrific - the below mural painted.  Oh my god I just puked a little.

Spotted...

Mario and Luigi...

Overheard in the Office (Take 9)

COZ: Claire and i are going to start a cat grooming business called Trim Your Puss

Overheard in the Office (Take 8)

Mercado: OMG it just hit me..Glee won't be on forever.

clearly, she's upset about this.

10 AM Clubbin'

Who goes clubbing at 10am?  Apparently my friends do!  This past weekend, I went up to San Francisco for Thanksgiving.  I’ve been before, but never like this.  We decided to have a Friendsgiving dinner but it just ended up being a drink fest.  I hung out with my friends from college.  Oh college – the days when you drank all day every day and you didn’t have to worry about a job, paying the bills, the annoying ex.  Everything was great in college.  Sigh…

Anyways, thanks to some new friends (cough cough SALLY cough cough), my trip was pretty great.  The best part – my friend KJ told us he wanted to take us to brunch before we left on Sunday.  We had a big drive ahead of us to head back to LA, so we made sure we woke up early.  I offered to drive, but KJ was convinced that we might be too drunk to drive back.  I was very confused by this. 

On the way to the brunch place, he asks me what I want.  I told him I wanted some old school biscuits and gravy and some shitty diner coffee.  He just laughed out loud.  Looks like I’m about to find out why…

We walk into this brunch place and the MUSIC IS BLARING.  People are dancing everywhere.  Everyone looks like they’re at a club or better – just getting home from a club.  There is a live DJ and a professional photographer taking pictures of everyone.  I looked at KJ and said, “Umm…I wasn’t aware we were going clubbing.”  He just laughed hysterically.  If you can see the expression on everyone else’s face – our jaws were just dropped.

During our 45 minute wait for a table, we were drinking bottomless mimosas and watching people dance.  Mind you, this was at 10 AM.  By the time we got to our table, we were all a little tipsy and ready to dance.  We ordered our food (I got huevos rancheros!) and had more bottomless mimosas than I could count. 

THEN…it happened.  “Teach me how to dougie” came on and all of a sudden the ENTIRE restaurant started dancing.  It was like a scene from a musical – if there was a musical filled with attractive hipsters all learning the Dougie.  If you know me, then you know that I have been carefully trying to learn how to Dougie since I’ve been in LA.  And here is where I saw it done for the first time.  Others have tried to show me their version, but they were missing the swag these 10 am clubgoers had.  I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. 

So you’re probably wondering where this brunch heaven is…it’s called LIME and it’s in the Castro in SF.  The best time to go?  Brunch on the weekends.  But don’t expect your typical senior citizen discount.  Dress to impress and whip your hair back and forth.  The best part?  When we were leaving, it was still bright as shit out and we saw a group of VERY drunk girls stumbling out.  I LOVE SAN FRANCISCO.

Overheard...in a text (take 2)

Received this text today:

"I can't find u on the internet!" 

ASK THE ROCKER!

you MUST: ASK THE ROCKER!

Seriously-watch this video and then go to his website...HILARIOUS!



www.asktherocker.com

Funky Tuesday

I dare you to listen to this without getting up from that ergonomical desk chair to dance. It's not possible. You'll be feelin funky and groovin' like it's Friday Night.

Take a listen and remember to enjoy your day. Even though it's only Tuesday Morning and we've got 3 1/2 LOONNNGGG work days ahead of us, remember: The weekend is comin', my babies. Let James Brown help you get there.

Fedora Conundrum

What's up with all of the fedoras I've been seeing?  Seriously, they're everywhere.  I received THIS LINK from a good friend in which she requested I blog about it.  It's pretty good.  Remember when bucket hats were popular?  That's what's going to happen to fedoras.  So unless you're Justin Timberlake, please re-consider.  Some people can pull it off, but most just think they can pull it off.  Just like bucket hats weren't for everyone (I wanted one so bad growing up), neither are fedoras, kangol hats, suspenders and skinny jeans.  Calm down people.

Overheard in the Office (Take 7)

"Oh god. I haven't done any work. I'm screwed." (3:30PM)

ALERT THE PRESS!!!!

Justin Bieber got a haircut. 

Lookin' good girl!

I'D RATHER BE A BITCH THAN A PUSSY.

In honor of Apple Cup (The University of Washington Huskies vs. The Washington State Losers...errr I mean Cougars), Corey and I will be counting down the days until we make the Cougs bleed purple.  The big game is this Saturday and if you're in the LA area, and are supporting the HUSKIES, come meet up with me and Corey at Sharkeez for the festivities.  Oh and if you have any questions, please refer to any employee at McDonald's or the guy bagging your groceries.  Chances are, they're a Coug. On to the Bowl!

Overheard...in a text (take 1)

I just got a text from a friend from the University of Washington.

"Sitting in my Mass Com class and we're watching a documentary you're in."

[awkward]

To see the documentary, click HERE.  It's gotten praised at a couple of film festivals (including Seattle's!). Oh and Dan Savage is in it, so that's pretty rad.

In your face TSA!

A woman flying from Los Angeles has managed to play TSA's game.  I'm sure you guys have heard about all of these "full body scans" and "aggressive pat downs" when going to the airport.  The woman in the below video has decided to one-up TSA and wear a bikini through security.  Her reasoning - she doesn't want a full body search, so she might as well just show everything she's got - literally.

This is just plain ridiculous.  What happened to the 4th amendment?  Since when is it legal to molest people?!  As someone who is flying home in a few weeks, I'm hoping there's a little wiggle room with the airport security.  I haven't heard of any of my friends getting intensely searched, but I'm sure it's going to happen to me.  This type of shit always happens to me.  Watch the video below to see the lady in the itty bitty bikini.  Fuck you TSA!!!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

What are you thankful for?

I Know What I'm Having for Thanksgiving!

YUMMM-TurBaconEpic! (A bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a bird in a pig)



Bon Appetit!

COLD?

Here's a solution!  Wear some jorts over jeans!