Christmas Wishlist!

Christmas is coming up...I'm going to start posting weird ass shit that I want for Christmas.  Today's feature:  The Beard Beanie.  How awesome is this?!  Not only does it keep you warm, but you look fucking amazing as well.  It's a win win situation!  I would LOVE one of these.  Although it doesn't get this cold in LA, I would totes wear it all the time.  Click HERE to check it out.  Happy Monday!  Only 10 days until vacation...YESSSSSSSSS.

HAPPY WEEKENDS IN LOS ANGELES! (take 1)

Everyone always asks me what's going on in LA every weekend.  I'm going to start giving some ideas.  Granted, I don't really know much, but if I find out something cool, you will be the first to know!

Today at LA Live (Staples Center / DTLA), WILLOW SMITH IS DOING A FREE CONCERT.  Doors open at 5:30 with performances from Plain White T's, Greyson Chance, Willow, among others.  If you're in the area, PLEASE GO and watch Willow whip her hair.  She's amazing.

They should have Let it Be.

Some Swedish band has managed to get a clusterfuck of Z List Celebrities and remake a version of The Beatles "Let it be."  This was the outcome.  I dare you not to laugh out loud as you see some familiar faces.  My faves:  Tanya Harding (wearing a "Can you see me now" shirt in camo...), directly being followed by Glenn Close.  Aslo-Carlton from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and a guy from Minnili Vannili (lip syncing of course!).  There are just no words for this...

Ring-a-fucking-ling

 [Call me, and I can make it juicy for ya]

Today my cellphone went off during work.  I was away from my desk so my phone went off for a good 2 minutes.  The ring tone – Lil Wayne’s “Lollipop”.  Not only was it “Lollipop” but it was just the “Call me” part…oh you know exactly what I’m talking about…”Call me, so I can make it juicy for ya…call me so I can make it juicy for ya.”  Over and over this little sentence blared from my desk.  I got back to my phone and just looked around while everyone laughed.  I immediately regretted purchasing that ring tone, even though it was meant to be a joke. 

It reminded me of the time my brother was in court (he’s a lawyer).  It was one of his first times being in court and his phone went off and the ring tone was “I’m in love with a stripper” by T-Pain.  Oh dear.  Gotta love that autotune. 

And just yesterday, Corey said she was walking down the hall at her office and started hearing “California Gurls” by Katy Perry blaring.  She thought it was someone’s embarrassing ring tone, but it turns out her iphone went off and her itunes started playing.  I mean – we ALL have that song, but don’t necessarily want anyone to know we listen to it.  Everyday.  While being stuck in LA traffic.  And bopping our heads side to side.  

 [california gurls - we're undeniable]

After today’s embarrassing ring tone story, it makes me wonder how people go about choosing their ring tones.  Is it your favorite song of the year?  Is it the cheapest one you can find?  For me, it was meant to be a joke.  But now everyone thinks I have a friend calling me to make it juicy for them.  I guess the jokes on me.  Dammit.

Overheard...in a text (take 3)

FYI...this conversation is with my BROTHER.  He's 30.  And a lawyer.  And obviously NOTHING like me.  Wow I love him.

Hey! Thanks for the STD!!!

A good friend from high school is getting married next year and yesterday in the mail I received her Save The Date.  I wanted to let her know I got it.  I guess I could have re-worded it...

The Importance of Distractions (aka Overheard on Facebook Chat: Take 1)

We all know how important G-chat is on a standard workday. One cannot sit at a computer all day long without distracting themselves from working using Google's finest function with 100 friends signed on, all simultaneously trying to distract themselves from working as well.

I received this message from Mercado a few minutes ago via Facebook chat-a notoriously horrible chat system. Why FB chat when you can G-Chat?

MERC: WHY IS MY GCHAT NOT WORKING?!

MERC: I'M GOING TO DIE!

Thank GOD it's Friday.

It's Friday! Let Us Celebrate

TIS THE SEASON!

Every now and again (re: almost everyday) I will flip over to the smooth listening station on the radio, KOST 103.5. I drive the same piece of shit car I've been drivin' since I was 16, and since the CD player is broken and all things related to plugging in and using an iPod don't work, I get to listen to nothing but the radio. It's not so bad. I listen to talk radio in the morning on the way to work and sometimes they talk about interesting things. And since the pop stations play nothing but the same 6 songs on loop all day long, I have been forced to become a fan of Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream."

But I always switch over to KOST 103.5 in hopes that I will hear Celine Dion singing "My Heart Will Go On" or Mariah Carey belting out "Always Be My Baby." This station plays a whole bunch of crap, but those two artists are always featured. And who doesn't love singing Titanic at the top of their lungs in traffic on a Wednesday afternoon?

Well, this morning I had the good fortune of hearing another Mariah hit on KOST. Since about 2 weeks before Thanksgiving, KOST has been playing NON-STOP Christmas and Holiday music (talk about over-kill??). I knew this, but I still switched over in hopes of the KOST people somehow considering "My Heart Will Go On" a Holiday Classic.

Well, it wasn't Celine. BUT It was Mariah's "All I want For Christmas Is You." SCORE!! I knew I continued to go to this station for a reason. This is a great song. Listen to it.

...and, ladies and gentleman, this is all I have to blog about on a Thursday morning. But hey-not all of us can stay up late eating expensive sushi in Hollywood with movie stars and have INTERESTING things to write about.

I do consider myself lucky, though. I got to drive up to the 6th floor of that parking garage belting out one of the greatest Christmas classics. It's going to be a good day.

Lea Michele called me Ricotta

Last night a friend invited me to a fancy dinner at KATSUYA.  Katsuya is apparently a clusterfuck of Hollywood's finest to get some paparazzi shots in.  My friend works for one of Hollywood's A-List so we were able to get a table a right away.  I took a look around - pretty standard restaurant.  Dim lighting, packed, house music playing in the background.  We ordered some food (it's a sushi restaurant) and a few drinks.  I didn't really understand what the hype was about until...it happened.

Sidenote...my friend knows some interesting people in Hollywood.  She grew up around here and works for the industry so it was no surprise people were coming up and saying hello.  I don't know who exactly I met, but I'm pretty sure they were fancy people, and I'm also pretty sure I came in wearing a beanie and an oversized t-shirt.  NOICE.  So anyway, one of these people that came up to our table just happened to be none other than LEA MICHELE.  LEA FUCKING MICHELE!  LEA MICHELE!!!  I mean, if you read this blog/know me in real life, I make Glee references every fucking day of my life.  On the weekends I like to play out Glee episodes in front of my friends when they're hungover - just yesterday, Corey made THIS post because I was super bummed and a week ago, I had THIS quote.  So to downplay it a little - I was peeing in my pants of excitement!

Here's how it all went down:
Mehri and I were enjoying our sushi and all of a sudden I look up and I see the lovely Lea Michele.  She gives Mehri a hug and a kiss looks at me and introduces herself:

Lea:  Hi, I'm Lea.  Nice to meet you.
Me:  Oh.  Umm...hi?  I'm...Mercado...Umm Nicole, Umm Nicole Mercado
Lea:  Are you having a good night?
Me:  Umm...hahaha.
Mehri (interrupts):  This is my friend Mercado (it's her last name).  She just moved here from Seattle. 
Lea:  Oh my god, I love Seattle.  How do you like LA?
Me:  Yeah, I like it a lot [this was done in the Jim Carey voice in Dumb and Dumber]
Lea:  ...Well I just wanted to say hi.  Dianna [as in Dianna Agron...Quinn from Glee!!!] is waiting.  Let's catch up soon.  It was nice meeting you Ricotta [yes, like the cheese].  Have a good dinner!

I looked at Mehri and was just stunned, excited, nervous, happy, goosebumps, wait - did she just call me a cheese?  Oh well.  I DON'T EVEN CARE!  LEA MICHELE SHOOK MY HAND AND NOW SHE IS GOING TO SAY SHE RAN INTO MEHRI AND A GIRL NAMED RICOTTA TO DIANNA AGRON WHO IS IN THE SAME VICINITY AS ME.  This is big.  This is major.  This is my favorite LA story thus far.

It turns out Mehri is going to some Studio party next week with some of the kids from Glee and it also turns out I'm free next Thursday (hint hint).  But yes, Katsuya is delicious.  Lea Michele looked amazing (she is as tall as Snooki, I kid you not) and she was really really sweet.  Everyone famous is a lot shorter and skinnier than you think.  We also saw Nicky Hilton (no Paris) and Eva Longhoria (no ex-husband or bff Mario Lopez).  Not too shabby for a Wednesday night!

UPDATE:  Mehri just invited me to that party.  She has one request though - that I don't be creepy and awkward.  My reply:  We'll see!

When HR comes calling...

Today I received an instant message from HR (human resources) to come to their office.  Thoughts that ran through my head, "Oh shit, who did I offend?", "Did I sexually harass someone??", "Am I getting fired?!".  I went to the HR office and sat down and waited while the HR Man got off the phone.  During this time I was trying to play it cool by pretending to fake laugh and pick off invisible lint from my clothes.  He then gets off the phone and looks at me and says, "Do you know why you're here?".  He then looks down at bunch of papers and looks at me and says,

"I have the worst handwriting ever.  Can you re-write these forms for me?"

OhMoeMyGod.  Are you kidding me?!  So moral of the story is - boys have horrible handwriting.  Don't be surprised if you're asked to write things for them. 

Overheard on G-Chat (Take 1)

"remember when you fools woke me up from a nap to ask if I was a fire crotch?"

-anonymous redhead.

Justin Bieber fans are drug dealers.

There is something wrong with this world when one of the largest drug dealers in the world is caught and in his home you find a JUSTIN BIEBER mural.  WTF?!  Brazilian drug lord Alexander Mendes da Silva's house was raided by soldiers and police and what they saw was absolutely horrific - the below mural painted.  Oh my god I just puked a little.

Spotted...

Mario and Luigi...

Overheard in the Office (Take 9)

COZ: Claire and i are going to start a cat grooming business called Trim Your Puss

Overheard in the Office (Take 8)

Mercado: OMG it just hit me..Glee won't be on forever.

clearly, she's upset about this.

10 AM Clubbin'

Who goes clubbing at 10am?  Apparently my friends do!  This past weekend, I went up to San Francisco for Thanksgiving.  I’ve been before, but never like this.  We decided to have a Friendsgiving dinner but it just ended up being a drink fest.  I hung out with my friends from college.  Oh college – the days when you drank all day every day and you didn’t have to worry about a job, paying the bills, the annoying ex.  Everything was great in college.  Sigh…

Anyways, thanks to some new friends (cough cough SALLY cough cough), my trip was pretty great.  The best part – my friend KJ told us he wanted to take us to brunch before we left on Sunday.  We had a big drive ahead of us to head back to LA, so we made sure we woke up early.  I offered to drive, but KJ was convinced that we might be too drunk to drive back.  I was very confused by this. 

On the way to the brunch place, he asks me what I want.  I told him I wanted some old school biscuits and gravy and some shitty diner coffee.  He just laughed out loud.  Looks like I’m about to find out why…

We walk into this brunch place and the MUSIC IS BLARING.  People are dancing everywhere.  Everyone looks like they’re at a club or better – just getting home from a club.  There is a live DJ and a professional photographer taking pictures of everyone.  I looked at KJ and said, “Umm…I wasn’t aware we were going clubbing.”  He just laughed hysterically.  If you can see the expression on everyone else’s face – our jaws were just dropped.

During our 45 minute wait for a table, we were drinking bottomless mimosas and watching people dance.  Mind you, this was at 10 AM.  By the time we got to our table, we were all a little tipsy and ready to dance.  We ordered our food (I got huevos rancheros!) and had more bottomless mimosas than I could count. 

THEN…it happened.  “Teach me how to dougie” came on and all of a sudden the ENTIRE restaurant started dancing.  It was like a scene from a musical – if there was a musical filled with attractive hipsters all learning the Dougie.  If you know me, then you know that I have been carefully trying to learn how to Dougie since I’ve been in LA.  And here is where I saw it done for the first time.  Others have tried to show me their version, but they were missing the swag these 10 am clubgoers had.  I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. 

So you’re probably wondering where this brunch heaven is…it’s called LIME and it’s in the Castro in SF.  The best time to go?  Brunch on the weekends.  But don’t expect your typical senior citizen discount.  Dress to impress and whip your hair back and forth.  The best part?  When we were leaving, it was still bright as shit out and we saw a group of VERY drunk girls stumbling out.  I LOVE SAN FRANCISCO.

Overheard...in a text (take 2)

Received this text today:

"I can't find u on the internet!" 

ASK THE ROCKER!

you MUST: ASK THE ROCKER!

Seriously-watch this video and then go to his website...HILARIOUS!



www.asktherocker.com

Funky Tuesday

I dare you to listen to this without getting up from that ergonomical desk chair to dance. It's not possible. You'll be feelin funky and groovin' like it's Friday Night.

Take a listen and remember to enjoy your day. Even though it's only Tuesday Morning and we've got 3 1/2 LOONNNGGG work days ahead of us, remember: The weekend is comin', my babies. Let James Brown help you get there.